Thursday, May 26, 2016

A Battle You Can't See: What it Feels Like To Have an Anxiety Disorder

Source: lifehack.com
I was eight or nine when I had my first panic attack. I remember staring down at the paper of what seemed like an endless amount of math problems. Students around me were chugging away with ease yet for me, the room was closing in.


Breathing was hard and I became sensitive to every sound and every light, my heart was pounding and I had never felt my thoughts race that quickly.


Growing up, this became a pattern. Oftentimes onset by school, I would get that oh-so-familiar feeling of dread. Was I just stupid? Or lazy? I couldn’t tell you the amount of times I sat across from a teacher and tried to explain why I couldn’t complete my work.


After years of defeat and anguish, I was finally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. G.A.D. is not your run-of-the-mill sense of stress you get when you walk into a classroom to take a test you didn’t study for. It’s loss of senses, it’s the feeling that you cannot speak or breathe. It’s absolute torture.


It’s a cruel voice in your head that tells you to worry about everything. It makes you question yourself and your worth more often than you can catch a breath. It makes you worry that everyone hates you even though you go out of your way to be generous and kind. It makes you sit, staring at an assignment for hours and not being able muster the strength to start it because all you hear is “you’re stupid, and worthless, there’s no point in trying.” All you want, so desperately, is for that voice be quiet.


Oregon State University student Yasmine Rifai was diagnosed with G.A.D. when she was 19-years-old. “The inside of my head is never quiet. I am constantly worrying about things that I know I shouldn't be worrying about. Objectively, I know how I should be thinking. I reason with situations and see a plausible outcome. But anxiety is a mental block that you can't get around.” she says.


When you suffer from an anxiety disorder, you become scared to speak up. Everyone is so quick to tell you just to “calm down and think positive.” Tell me, if it was that simple, don’t you think we would have done that years ago?


How do we think positive about something that hasn’t even happened? The creeping sensation that something is wrong is impossible to escape because it digs a hole of despair, and throws you to the very bottom.


All we ask for is support. We need to know that our friends and family care about making us feel better, and care about the nature of our condition. The best thing you could possibly do for us is to just listen, and learn.


“Know that sometimes you'll be the trigger for the attack. Don't take it personal. And please, for the sake of humanity, don't tell us that we're overreacting, that we need to calm down, or that worrying isn't going to make anything any better.” writes Bridgette Borden, student writer for the Odyssey.


For those of you who battle the voices in your head daily, just know you are not alone. You are more than your anxiety and the dents it put in your self esteem. You are brave, and strong and facing the day may seem daunting but you have every right to be proud of yourself.


At a Glance:

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms such as extreme dread or panic over problems that either haven't occurred or seem virtually small, it might be a good idea to educate yourself further. Additionally, if you/someone you know experienced shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat, sensitivity to lights/sounds and/or overwhelming mental fog, seek out help from a psychiatrist as soon as you can. Anxiety symptoms can sometimes be connected to other, more severe mental illnesses.

http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/ask-and-learn/resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

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